Guilt Book Tour
Guilt begins with a stabbing, which leaves one twin sister dead and the other accused of her murder. The twins Zara and Miranda are thirty years old at the start of the novel. But their problems began to incubate years before that.
Here are some teenage memories:
The party is throbbing. I can smell it; cannabis, heat and sex. As soon as we enter the hall-way, you evaporate Zara.
Leaving me free to drink water if I want to.
Where is Jacko?
Snogging his girlfriend in a side room, off the hallway. In this strange old house. A warren of rooms, and no balance. Vacuum packed against his girlfriend. Drawn in.
Hand on her right breast. I close my eyes so I don’t have to watch. A few seconds later I open them again. Jacko and his girl have gone.
Paired up people are everywhere. Lying on the floor, wrapped together on sofas. I head for the kitchen for a drink. All singletons here. I help myself to a glass of water. A boy walks towards me.
‘You’re Miranda aren’t you?’
‘The girl with the kooky sister.’
‘I wouldn’t quite put it like that.’
‘You’re a friend of Jacko’s aren’t you?’
‘I wouldn’t quite put it like that, either.’
‘How would you put it?’
I do not reply. I walk past him to the sink, fill my empty cup up with water, and walk upstairs, to look for my kooky sister, to see what you are up to now. I open the door of the first bedroom I come to. The lights are on. A man is pumping into a woman, on top of the bed. He turns his head.
‘Piss off,’ he says.
Black hair. Brown eyes.
And the woman beneath him, does not look like his girlfriend. This woman is chestnut and golden.
Zara, what’s going on now?
On the point of climax when you open the door. The bossy big sister sometimes I wish I never had.
‘Piss off,’ Jacko shouts.
My orgasm fragments. You leave, closing the door behind you. But it’s too late. The moment has passed. Jacko continues grinding into me. But it’s over, I can’t get my momentum back. Relieved when he’s finished, I disentangle myself and pull my clothes on. I leave him in bed, but my drinking is catching up with me. The room is spinning. I am on a roller-coaster, about to crash. I need to find you Miranda. You need to take me home. I know where you’ll be. I move towards the kitchen, everything slipping in and out of focus.
‘Hi Miranda, shall we go home now?’ I hear myself slur.
I hold onto you as you guide me towards the hallway.
‘All right?’ you ask.
I nod my head. ‘Just about, but I need to get home as soon as possible.’
I try to smile at you but I don’t think it works. We make it through the hallway, into the warm night air. We don’t have far to go. The roller-coaster in my head is slowing. We meander home, hoping Mum is asleep. She mustn’t see me like this.
Miranda you turn your key in the lock, quietly. So quietly. We creep up the stairs avoiding the step that creaks.
Softly, I drop into bed. Softly, slowly I reach for my razor blade.
You can buy Guilt from Amazon and is available to buy from good bookshops.